Get it now?

I need/want a new cell phone. Since I do not have a home phone, my cell phone is my primary way to communicate. My dirty little phone likes to take my calls and not give me my messages for what can be hours later. He has decided that ringing/vibrating is completely up to his discretion as to when and if it will happen.

My dirty little phones favorite trick by far is to half the volume on all calls for the first 45 seconds of the conversation. Then, without warning (after I have pushed the volume up to as high as it can go) he will boost his volume thus allowing me to get a nice ear piercing shrill directly to the ear drum.

Phone is very much an outdoors kinda guy. Take him inside any place with four walls and he will stick his antenna up in the air and refuse to work until he is taken back outside. I used to think it was my carrier the evil Verizon, but realized when other Verizon phones laughed and frolicked indoors, my phone was the only one sitting in the corner playing with his naughty little buttons.

I have been shopping around for phones since my contract is up and I can now get a new phone for "FREE". Free if you don't count the fact that all the new phones only take Bluetooth headsets not the corded ones I have. Then of course if you even want to be able to use the MP3 feature on your phone you have to buy their little music bundle which allows you to transfer your music to your phone from your computer. So now my free phone costs me $79.99 for the Bluetooth headset and $49.99 for the music bundle!

I could forgo the headset, but have you seen me drive without a headset? Pedestrians flee!! Dogs wail! Cars honk! Mail boxes shiver! Squirrels fly! Trees tremor! Michael cries.

There is this one phone though...She works with my headset. She has a qwerty keyboard. Her camera rivals my actual digital camera. She calls to me. She is the siren of the Verizon store. Her name is enV. I find myself dreaming of her at night. She is my density...I mean, destiny