Nihilistic Propensity

Almost...

2007-05-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

12 more weeks of the Academy and I am done! Graduation will be just around the corner.

I have had barely anytime to spend with Michael or sleep.

Days off are spent practicing or studying.

We have completed the Gun Range, Emergency Vehicle Obstacle Course and tons and tons of legal books, California Vehicle Codes, Penal Codes and Police General Orders.

Its the most stressful time of my life and the best at the same time.

Ass Kicked!

2007-01-17T22:42:00.000-08:00

I had my ass kicked all over the place today! I don't think I have ever been so sore in all my life!

2.5 hours straight of PT/DT - Physical Training/Defensive Tactics

Run 1.5 miles (my time - 7.8 min mile which I now have to improve on)
Bear walk for 20 min in the gym
push ups, push ups, and more push ups
reverse push ups
run in place, drop to the flow and recover as quickly as possible - repeat
push ups with heal on toe
push ups with one leg lifted in the air

My chest hurts, my legs hurt and my abs hurt...and I loved every minute of it! But then I'm told I'm a little masochist with myself anyway. I am loving my life so hard right now!

I live where I want to live, I have the job I want and I have a supportive and caring partner!

Now I have to go study some more Radio Codes so its 10-7E for me! 10-4?

Welcome to the Secret Club!

2007-01-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

I did it...I hope it worked...I made it private and sent the invites.
So either it worked or I am just typing to myself.

I got through my first day of the Academy! Its uh...well...VERY military like! I was only two hours early. I don't like to be late. I kind of freak when I'm late so I try to avoid it at all cost - perhaps to an extreme. Perhaps...

Everytime I walk by a mirror and see PD emblems on my sleeves I have to do a double take. This isn't Halloween or dress up...Who the hell is that in the mirror anyway???

Last Day/Last Public

2007-01-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

A few more days and I'll be sending out the invites which will lock down this blog.... :(

I worked my last day at my old job today. There were tears, hugs, pictures, cake, pizza and even fried chicken! It was strange to leave for the last time. It was strange to take all my shit home. It was strange to log off the computer for the last time. I was asked to come back next Saturday so that they could throw a proper party for me. I was only able to give my job a two day notice instead of the two week one. Lucky for me the higher ups were understanding and said they were happy for me...congratulated me and said there would always be a place for me there. Its nice to see how much you make a difference to people.

Now I have to buy a freaking watch. We are required to wear a watch. I HATE wearing watches. I hate wearing them for a number of reasons. Reason one: Metal bands pull my hair out and leave a nice little bald spot on my wrist and leather bands absorb the sweat and just plain stink. Reason Two: I'm compulsive with watches. I feel the watch on my arm at all times. Feeling the watch on my arm gives me this nagging little tug "look at me - look at me". I'm constantly looking at the time. 12:00...12:02...12:07...12:13. This makes the day progress very slowly.

None the less, Michael is pulling up site after site of watches that have either a nylon or resin strap so as to spare my wrist from going bald. I think I'm going to go digital this time. I'm almost positive I can feel the tick of the analog beating its relentless little tick into my wrist - "Look at me - LOOK AT ME!!"

Going Private

2007-01-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

I guess its a good thing I went Beta with the new Privacy feature it has. I have two choices now...shut my blog down...or go private for the chosen few...heh The PD have told us that due to our safety in being recognized and such we are not to be blogging. I'm sure there is more to it than that, but we'll leave it at that...

This seems a little narcissistic, but I'm going to do it anyway.
If you read this and want to be added to the list of people who can access it, email me at:
nihilistic.propensity@gmail.com

I have some of your email addresses and will add you to it...you can always just delete the email and say - THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO READ HIS SHIT ANYMORE!

I think you will have to have a google account to access it. Such as gmail/blogger. If you don't, I believe it tells you how to when you get the invite.

Anyway...

And.....breath

2007-01-04T19:06:00.000-08:00

June of 2005 I applied for a job...

I took a written test a few months later and passed.

A Few months later:

I sat through a panel interview and passed.

A few more months later:

I ran an obstacle course and passed.

Another couple of months later:

I under went a background investigation and passed.

I did a polygraph and passed.

Then:

I went through a medical exam and passed.

And Finally:

A psychological test in which I waited and waited and waited and waited for the results.

Due to a staff members error in dating some material I waited almost 3 months longer than I should have. The length of time that it was taking, only led me to believe that it wasn't looking good. I've been cranky, pouty, irritable, depressed and an all around big poo to be around.

AND THEN! Today I get the call...I have been accepted to the police academy! HOLY SHIT!!!!!! Now I don't know what to do with myself. I have been doing this for over two years...If I'm not worrying about getting in to the academy what else am I suppose to do? I'm in complete shock!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SONS OF BITCHES! BUMPUSES!!

2006-12-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays! Our live tree witch will be planted in the yard after the Holidays has left our home infested with gnats!! I'm OK with it...I'm inhaling tons of protein while we sleep! Can you spot our Christmas Pickle!!!

Today Puppy turns 5 years old! He insisted that he get his Christmas Present and Birthday present separate! Two Tennis balls for Christmas and a Hedgie for the big 5!

R.I.P Hedgie!

Get it now?

2006-12-11T13:15:00.000-08:00

I need/want a new cell phone. Since I do not have a home phone, my cell phone is my primary way to communicate. My dirty little phone likes to take my calls and not give me my messages for what can be hours later. He has decided that ringing/vibrating is completely up to his discretion as to when and if it will happen.

My dirty little phones favorite trick by far is to half the volume on all calls for the first 45 seconds of the conversation. Then, without warning (after I have pushed the volume up to as high as it can go) he will boost his volume thus allowing me to get a nice ear piercing shrill directly to the ear drum.

Phone is very much an outdoors kinda guy. Take him inside any place with four walls and he will stick his antenna up in the air and refuse to work until he is taken back outside. I used to think it was my carrier the evil Verizon, but realized when other Verizon phones laughed and frolicked indoors, my phone was the only one sitting in the corner playing with his naughty little buttons.

I have been shopping around for phones since my contract is up and I can now get a new phone for "FREE". Free if you don't count the fact that all the new phones only take Bluetooth headsets not the corded ones I have. Then of course if you even want to be able to use the MP3 feature on your phone you have to buy their little music bundle which allows you to transfer your music to your phone from your computer. So now my free phone costs me $79.99 for the Bluetooth headset and $49.99 for the music bundle!

I could forgo the headset, but have you seen me drive without a headset? Pedestrians flee!! Dogs wail! Cars honk! Mail boxes shiver! Squirrels fly! Trees tremor! Michael cries.

There is this one phone though...She works with my headset. She has a qwerty keyboard. Her camera rivals my actual digital camera. She calls to me. She is the siren of the Verizon store. Her name is enV. I find myself dreaming of her at night. She is my density...I mean, destiny

I may never eat a vegetable again.

2006-11-30T21:19:00.000-08:00

I returned back home alone after our drive to Chicoroville for Thanksgiving. Michael is staying one week (I pick him up tomorrow - YAY) to help his Mom with a few things.

If left to my own devices I tend to forget to eat. My stomach has become accustomed to this and is polite enough to remind me around 9 or 10 at night. After a week of surviving on leftover ham from Thanksgiving, I thought it would be prudent to add some vegetables to my one meal a day when I got home.

In the fridge was some leftover black bean tuna salad that Michael had made. It contained a plethora of miss matched vegetables. I opened the container and smelled it...Mmm...Still smells yummy! Satisfied, I picked out a carrot and bit into it with much enthusiasm. Immediately my stomach dropped, my lips recoiled and I think even my teeth tried to bury themselves further in my gums to get away. The carrot didn't crunch like a raw carrot...It didn't bite smoothly through like a cooked carrot...Rather, it kind of oozed through my teeth and on to my tongue. The taste was uncomprehendable...Carrots shouldn't taste like that! NOTHING should taste like that! I spit. I gagged. I ran through the living room in hysterics. I made myself a ham sandwich.

SF International Car Show

2006-11-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

We Muni'd ourselves to the SF Car show. I still wish there was a KID FREE day. All those dirty little kids crawling in and out of the cars. Bleh!!

This is one of the two major reasons I wanted to go. And Jeep disappointed me. If you redesign the car you are best known for inside and out and you are offering things that have never offered such as Navigation and a 3 piece removable top...Don't you think it would be a good idea to HAVE THAT AT THE CAR SHOW?????????? What do I get?? Base model without shit in it! Asses!

And this is the second reason....MMmmmm...So sleek...So beautiful...So wants to be mine! I wanted to take all my clothes off and roll around on it but it was behind ropes.

Michael begrudgingly walks away from his favorite car the Honda S2000. I still say the SKY and the Wrangler are more awesome so it looks like we are going to have to arm wrestle for it. What's with that dudes shirt in the background though? I mean DAMN!

What Knife?

2006-11-14T19:28:00.000-08:00

I spot Dominic (the regular I'll wash your window's for a dollar begging guy) sitting by the front door of my building as I'm walking in to work. He's more animated than normal which I assume is due to the fact that rain really puts a damper on his window washing "business".

Me: Hey Dominic, what's up?
D: You know I was just walking by I wasn't hanging out there.
Me: Someone messing with you again?
D: Yeah...they said I was walking in front of the store...I wasn't by that store.
Me: Dominic, what the hell are you talking about?
D: I walked by Cal-Mart and they said I had a knife and I was hanging outside the door.
Me: Yeah?
D: Yeah...I don't have a knife! I don't carry no knife! I wasn't even standing there!
Me: Who said you were.
D: That fat guy who works there
Me: Next time show him your knife - That will shut him up.
D: I should huh?

Maybe I shouldn't joke around with Dominic anymore...

Voting is Fun

2006-11-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Tee Hee -- Tee Hee

Did I actually hear Arnold say "I Love doing Sequels" Really???

Future's So Bright...

2006-11-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I was called analytical and skeptical. While I agree, I think I just tend to doubt everything until I see it proven. I basically just like to know the answer to -- WHY

I just finished telling a story that emphasized this when it popped into my head just how far I'll go sometimes to find out this answer.

Years ago when I lived in Houston we would on occasion drive to New Orleans for the Jazz festival or to visit a friend that lived there. On my first visit I was taken to Madame Laveau's Voodoo shop to have my tarot cards read. It all seemed in good fun and I was enjoying all the little dolls with pins in them, the smell of all the herbs and the little cat that was slinking around the store. I was brought back to the little room in back and my fortune was told. My friends and I all had a good giggle about the path that lay before me and we ventured off to get drunk on Hurricanes on Bourbon Street.

Right before our next visit I was walking around a book store in Houston and stumbled into a section of How to Read Tarot Cards along with your very own Tarot Cards to buy! Immediatly I started scheming...

If I buy this book and learn how to read tarot cards, I could go back to that voodoo shop and have them read again. But this time I'll be able to tell if they are bullshitting me!

It was just too tempting to be one up on my mystical medium. I paid the $22.95 and I was out the door. I read the book and practiced my future seeing skills on both my roommates until every bit of their future was known to them. I debated opening up my own voodoo shop but my cat was a tubby calico and not a sleek black menace - so I read my cards and it confirmed it wasn't the line of work I should be in.

When the day finally arrived, I was led back to the small room and sat at the small round table. The man drew the curtain closed and sat in front of me. I was confident. I was smug. I was amused that nobody gets the best of me! He took my hand in his and looked me deep in the eyes. Without saying a word he reached down and grabbed a little leather bag. I kinda wanted it, I could keep my sunglasses in it and it would match the interior of my car. He narrowed his eyes at me and for a second I thought he knew what I had been thinking. Slowly he opened the leather sunglass holder and threw a handful of seashells on the table. I looked down on the table in disbeleif. I looked back up at him and for the first time he had a smile on his face and said "NOW, I will tell you about your future". $22.95 down the drain!

Short Trip

2006-10-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

This weekend included:

1 - Spending time with my Dad AND my Sister!
2 - Eating ribs Grandma made & Michael swallowing his tooth in the process!
3 - Being French kissed by Jessie several times (My Uncle and Aunt's dog)

You know you want Grandma's print on YOUR couch!

We also got out of the house the other day and went hiking around Lands End.

in the distance

2006-10-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

When faced with making a big decision I find that asking friends and family for their opinion helps to solidify my assumption on the right thing to do. I listen to their argument, compare it to my own and weight the good and bad of both. Sometimes I see aspects that I have not thought of and sometimes I dismiss their view all together and go with my original feeling. I do this because I realize that while I feel I'm very open minded, I too can get tunnel vision and concentrate on the goal and not see obstacles.

What happens when friends and family aren't qualified to answer these questions? What happens when they aren't aware of some aspects of your decision and can't be asked for their opinion? What happens when you feel a distance standing in the way of the one person you most want to talk to?

I hate that I talk constantly inside my head. I simple do not stop talking to myself...EVER. I over analyze everything done and said. I take personally everything not said. The phrase "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" holds no merit in my world. I feel the overwhelming collapse of everything pending and I have no idea what to do. I take steps to distract myself so that I won't listen to the nagging bully in my head...Reading is impossible...Web design helps for a short period but leads to a sore butt...Running clears it all out as long as I keep running...Sleeping only leads to anxiety ridden dreams.

Being on the edge of everything being ok or everything falling apart is taking a toll on my body, my mind and my will to care...

Have No Fear...

2006-10-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

My Aunt has asked me to play around with her company website...She wants some color and some photo's added to it, namely photos of my Grandmother. Her company is basically an elder care consulting firm and she feels that Grandma idealizes what a cute gentle little old lady looks like. I have to say that I agree. Working with these photos of her has made me think of her a lot. I keep hearing her laugh...I loved her laugh...I loved making her laugh...

I just made the most awesome breakfast burrito for dinner - Gorgonzola Cheese, broccoli and fresh basil...Jealous? Yeah you are - You totally are!

And...The latest...Oh my god I loved Underdog when I was a kid!

Insert Title Here

2006-10-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

I always get just a tinge of depression when I finish a book. If I really liked the character then my depression runs a little deeper. I had to say goodbye to Sayuri. I think I'm going to lay in bed with my head under the covers and cry for just a bit till I'm done missing her.

That damn scale HAS to be wrong! Either I'm suffering from body dysmorphia or that scale is off by 8 to 10 pounds! I refuse to believe that I weight 140# - Even with the sugar gone from my diet.

Why are car emblems getting bigger? They used to be little badges on the front grill and have since morphed into beacons bigger than my head! And I have a big head!!

I overheard an elderly lady asking how she was suppose to use her newly purchased 'Sitz Bath'. In a low whisper she muttered "I have an infection on my sit-down and I don't know what I'm suppose to do with this bag and hose". I had ideas but didn't offer them at the time.

Chillax

2006-10-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sleeping in...Drinking coffee...Cooking...Taking puppy for walks...Jogging with Michael...Watching TV...Playing on the computer...Yoga...Netflix...Listening to the rain...A relaxing vacation

Today was Fort Funston with Puppy day:

Web Mouse

2006-09-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

My impatience grows stronger every day for not only people but myself. I have buried myself in books on HTML and web design. I have read countless articles on rollovers, tables, links, CSS, Javascript, and Adobe GoLive. Still I learn better when I throw all that crap to the side and just do it myself. If I do this what happens...If I change that what happens. A very time consuming and frustrating process...I want to know it ALL!! *sigh*

People People People...

I walk down the stairs at work where a co-worker is pointing to something on the floor.

CW - Look!
Me - What?
CW - Its a mouse, and its still alive!

I see a tiny brown mouse laying with his neck under the bar of the mouse trap. Just then my Co-worker picks it up as the mouse starts to wiggle around.

CW - OH!! He's still alive! COOL!

A female co-worker walks in as he nudges the mouse toward her and she screams.

Me - Give me the mouse!
CW - What? NO way...
Me - GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN MOUSE!
CW - (Looking shocked and scared) Ok man calm down.

I take the mouse outside set him on the ground and lift the bar away from his neck. He squirms around a bit and runs off into the bushes with the indent from the bar still on his neck.

I tell myself "He's OK...He's going to be OK" The rest of the day I'm a little depressed and upset over a little mouse.

The next day the same co-worker tells me he saw the mouse running around in the bushes and he looked like he was doing fine.

I felt like crying...

Rubber Band Man

2006-09-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

I have a fascination with rubber bands. I derive hours of stretchy entertainment from them. When I find them on the floor at work, I scoop them up and begin pulling and stretching to my hearts content. I shoot them at co-workers over walls and in the hallways. I stretch them across their desks or whatever project they may be working on and run away before I'm caught. I thread them through my fingers to make crafty designs taunting those who wish they too had a rubber band. I often slide them on my wrist as if they are bracelets so that later I can continue my fun. Its not unusual to come home from work and have 3 or 4 on my wrist that I have forgotten about. If the rubber band is particularly small I'll slide them on my fingers as is the case with the one I currently have on my right ring finger.

Sitting at my desk this morning waiting for my reports to print out, my printer scrolls the message 'tray 1 out of paper'. I narrow my eyes at the printer and mutter something I didn't hear. I Dig my way through the office supplies and grab a ream of paper. From the corner of my eye I see 6 bags of rubber bands just sitting there! Elated, I grabbed a bag for myself and quickly returned to my desk. With the printer full and printing I shoot a few rubber bands at it then head down the hall scheming with a smile on my face.

Jules In Wonderland

2006-09-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

Lookie who wanted a new look...Photoshop and I are taking a break from each other. We agreed that we have seen too much of each other this past week.

Mouse or Monkey

2006-09-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid my parents always had some sort of hobby to express their artistic side. Mom painted a lot and Dad did photography and woodworking. I took an interest in Drawing and even attended a few art classes during my summers. For some reason I can remember a few times my Dad and I sitting around with paper and pen in hand drawing together or just being silly with doodles. The first thing he ever showed me to draw would later be named "Mousekey".

I was amazed at how my Dad joined a few circles to create a character that to this day makes me smile when I see him.

A few years back, Michael was in the Hospital for a week. Every night before I left his room I would draw my character on the dry erase board in his room that the nurses left their notes on. I hoped it would bring a smile to his face like it always did mine. Later I came to find out that the nurses enjoyed him just as much as Michael did.

Over the years that I have scribbled him on various notes, letters and pieces of paper a friend of mine has teased me that it looked like a Monkey. I have toyed with the size of his ears but have kept my resolve that he is indeed a mouse. We ended up calling it a Mousekey to satisfy both parties, and from there Mousekey's name was born.

So today the debate ends...I'm taking my claim to the public! I'm asking for all to vote in the poll to the right and put to rest once and for all...Is Mousekey a MOUSE or a MONKEY?

Strike that. Reverse it.

2006-09-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

We actually have things on our walls now! I ordered a bunch of my photo's online to go into my snazzy frames I bought a few weeks back. The apartment actually looks like we live here now. Work lights installed under the counter in the kitchen, dog given a bath and Birthday card for my Mother-In-Law stamped and ready to mail...

A very relaxing productive Saturday!

Sitting here with a glass of wine half watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on TV I notice something. What's wrong with that damn Charlie? He opens his bar of Chocolate and finds the golden ticket, but he drops ALL of the chocolate onto the sidewalk! That act alone shows that he doesn't deserve to run the Chocolate factory! No respect for that creamy, yummy chocolate!

Michael is now talking about moving the pictures over one tenth of an inch because they don't look just right...Its either time to roll my eyes and watch him, or tickle him till he pees his pants...

Redesign

2006-09-10T02:25:00.000-07:00

Redesigned my design site...

I'm feeling so West Elm now.

Hmm...Should I convert this blog to this design too??

What???

2006-09-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

I've said before that Q-tips are evil monstrous things and I was right! Phase 2 of their evil plan was hatched yesterday evening and life will never be the same.

The day started off innocently enough...I got up at 4:30 am, got ready for work, couldn't find all day parking yet again, stared blankly at a homeless person talking about some football team, worked for a bit then came home around 3pm. I walked in the door to find Michael walking around the apartment in his towel as he prepared to go dog walking. Our upstairs neighbor has gone to Burning Man and has asked Michael if he would walk Potter while she's gone. Trying to multi task, he is cleaning his right ear with the evil little cotton tipped stick as he hunts for dog leashes.

Sitting in the chair watching the show I see him pick up the leash with the Q-tip still sticking out of his right ear. He's untangling the leash when all of a sudden his hand goes to his ear. I hear the gasp...I see the look of pain...I see him rip the Q-tip from his ear and say "I think I just popped my eardrum". He's holding his ear and pacing the floor back and forth, back and forth.

I know its got to hurt...I feel deep in my stomach the sympathy pain of what he must be going through. So I do what comes naturally to me...I start to pass out. My head starts to spin...Darkness is starting to creep around my vision and I hear this very loud white noise in my ears. I say to Michael "Do you hear that?" when it occurs to me that I should not be asking such a question at this moment in time. I put my head between my knees - "Should I take you to the emergency room?" I'm fighting very hard to stay conscience! Head between the knees is not working...I'm about to go out. Laying on the floor now...Michael has called the nurse and she tells him that waiting in the ER for 8 hours just for them to tell him "Yep, you punctured your eardrum" might not be worth it.

Twenty minutes later he has a cotton ball in the ear, the dog leashes in hand and is asking me if I'm ok? He's the one with a ruptured eardrum and HE'S asking ME if I'm ok?

Fine, I'm a puss! Q-Tips 1 - Stacy 0. Now we have to learn sign language!

Umm...NO!

2006-08-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

NOOOOOO!

2006-08-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

As if things haven't been hectic enough...

- Wrapping up this 3 month project which has caused much stress and much loss of sleep.
- Flying to Kinkos to have my presentation copied and bound.
- The training upon training upon training of all the new people.
- Two times my normal work load due to my counter part transferring.
- Countless interviews
- Coffee mania warping my sense of time

And to top it all off...

NO TOILET PAPER IN THE RESTROOM!

Why is it only after your done you finally notice 7 squares dangling there...SEVEN!! I was tempted to shred and use the paper core!!

Newest Design

2006-08-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

I just finished Summer's blog! Peacock theme!! Ever heard a peacock? As pretty as they are, they sure can scream like bloody murder!

2 Years Together

2006-08-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

So here are my flowers, card and even a present of Yoga classes for us to take together! We had what can only be the best Vietnamese food in San Francisco at The Dragonfly then came home and spent the rest of the night together. Everyday I wake up next to the most amazing man, and everyday I know how lucky I am to have him there...With me.

The Great Coffee Caper

2006-08-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

Time: 6:30 am
Place: Starbucks

I'm standing in line behind a tall guy in a suit as I'm still trying to get my tie tied correctly. He steps over to the counter as I step up to order my drink still fussing with my tie. The new girl asks my name and as I get half my name out my voice cracks. She writes it down quickly so I assume that my flash back to puberty was understandable. Coffee ordered and satisfied with my tie, I go stand behind suit guy again as we wait for our names to be called.

I look across the street to where I work to see homeless guy digging in the trash and cussing at the bus. Turning back around suit guy is gone and Starbucks girl calls out "SARAH - Grande Cafe Mocha with Whip Cream". UGHHHHH...Sarah?? Now I know my voice cracked but it didn't sound like Sarah! I grab my coffee off the shelf and start to ponder the fact that for the rest of the morning I have to go around with the name Sarah on my cup. I'm almost out the door as I notice a girl heading up to the counter to retrieve a coffee...I start to think - but no name was called. All she called was Sarah and that was because she thought I said...WAIT! I grabbed Sarah's coffee, took a sip and now she is heading up to the counter to claim HER coffee! But I was next after Suit guy!!! And that is exactly what I ordered!! What do I do?

So I did the right thing...I panicked! And I got myself out of Starbucks and across the street before I could hear the words "HEY - He took MY coffee"!

EARTHQUAKE!!!

2006-08-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

QUICK - WHERE'S MY NERT BADGE!!!!!!

"I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

2006-07-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

Caring for Your Introvert

I feel vindicated now!!

Oh My God! I will actually be 35 in less than a month! How in the hell did that happen?

I completely enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean while sharing a package of delicious Red Vines!

We had a going away part for two people at work. There was cake, there was pink tasteless chicken, there was cold pesto tortellini and there was mysterious Chinese food. When I saw these little pastry like puffs of mysterious Chinese food I was intrigued...

Turning to "Blanche" who brought the food "OOooo...This looks good what is it?" She tells me its some sort of root. I was only half paying attention and caught the word "root" somewhere from her vicinity. What the hell...I grab one and take a bite. Usually I can muster up some sort of restraint in not showing my revulsion to certain foods when I'm in public, but this was beyond my control. The first bite broke into some sort of gray mush! GRAY!!!! Then my tongue recoiled as the taste of shrimp and acrid glop tried to force its way down my throat. My eyes watered...It was coming...I WAS going to throw up. It was inevitable. I cannot think of shrimp without thinking of them as the cockroaches of the ocean and I don't recall ever eating anything that is GRAY!! I did one of those gag noises that usually you reserve for the Dentist when he is forcing that big glob of goo in your mouth to make molds of your teeth. I was able to spit the gray matter into my napkin and force back the bile that was edging its way to the surface. "Blanche" looking at me with what could only be called contempt said "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it". NO SHIT! And I certainly wasn't going to sit in that room and watch anyone else eat it either!

Ugghhh...I need to go brush my teeth now.

Vacations hard!

2006-07-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm more tired after vacation than I was before it! So much was done in just a few days that it was almost all a blur. We even left the protective weather bubble of San Francisco and ventured up to Napa Valley for some Wine tasting!

Jeanne and Superman prepare to take to the sky at the Sutro Baths on day one.

Michael and Jeanne enjoy a break after a long long long long hike up a steep hill in Muir Woods.

I'm the envy of China Town with a rare find! My name spelled correctly on mini-license plates! Whose life isn't complete with that kind of find?

Enjoying Sterling Vineyards...Well, maybe Jeanne was a little scared on the Tram Car ride to the top of the mountain cause I kept shaking the car and talking constantly about plummeting to our deaths.

Most of us got a nice little sunburn and then followed it up by a little BBQ of Hamburgers and Dr. Pepper! Pier 39 would have been next, but Michael and I skipped out on that...We have both had our fill of the tourist and Pier 39!

Finally a walk to Stow Lake for some awesome Hotdogs while watching the ducks and paddle boats. After that Polly Ann's Ice Cream where I tried Green Tea Flavor and vowed to try Avocado next time! Michael still holds the title for wildest flavor choice with Red Bean.

So vacation is over and they have headed back to Houston. After 23 years its nice to know that a friendship can pick up right where it left off the last time you saw each other. Hope you had fun Bob, we did!

Planes, Chairs and Comfort

2006-07-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

Vacation starts....NOW!!!!

Jeanne's plane lands in 2 1/2 hours. So far we plan on doing Muir Woods and walking across GG Bridge as well as having a birthday dinner at Cliff House on Friday night. Other than that...Playing it be ear.

I had to visit another location in the Richmond district for work today. A few of us are standing out front talking as an elderly lady comes creeping up with a plastic lawn chair in her hands.

"Excuse me! This is where I always put my chair" as she nudges Matt from where he was standing.

"NO...Excuse me, let me just get out of your way there".

She immediately plops herself down, pulls out some pamphlets and starts reciting her one line to everyone that walks by.

"Would you be interested in reading about comfort for the chronically depressed?"

"SIR! Would you be interested in reading about comfort for the chronically depressed?"

"Ma'am! Would you be interested in reading about comfort for the chronically depressed?"

Matt and I look at each other as we pass her to head inside. She says her line and with my most genuine smile I say "No thank you". She smiles and says to me "Don't get old!"

Geez, If I wasn't depressed before...

Random Events (In no particular order)

2006-07-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

Four things have been marked off our list in the last couple of weeks. After my week of grump we headed down to Crissy Field.
We got some Sun!

We played ball on the beach!

We played ball in the grass!

We also visited the Arboretum where Michael saw every single plant there and made a new friend.Last, we went to the Conservatory in Golden Gate Park. I was without my camera (which is slowly dyeing) which makes me a sad panda. We then had lunch on Haight Street where "homeless man" asked for a penny and commented on how he wanted to squeeze my butt.

Dexter got some new toys and this one lasted a whole 15 minutes!!!

Chilly Willy is an evil elf from hell and should be killed!

Future's So Bright...

2006-07-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Superbanner

2006-07-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

The Certifiable Princess has a new look!

Did this banner for her back in May...This one was done as a special fit to order and I have to admit that its a pretty fun banner!

FINALLY saw Superman Returns! First try, the film broke at the IMAX so we had to come back later in the week. When we went back, the show was sold out and then some kid passed out and hit the floor while waiting in line. Ambulance showed up as we exchanged our tickets for the next showing. On our return everything went off without a hitch!

My Sister is coming to visit next week for a couple days and a week after that my friend of 23 years is coming from Texas to visit...WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Michael has expressed interest in maybe possibly perhaps starting to run with me! I'm hoping!

today

2006-07-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

--Sia

Sleepless in the Studio

2006-07-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

The sun is starting to come up finally. I can see the faint outline of the bamboo plants Michael has planted outside our window. Dexter lays next to me in our chair instead of in his bed which is under ours. Sleep has been illusive lately but this is day two of not being able to get to sleep at all. Our studio apartment has ruled out watching TV since I don't want to wake Michael up. Funny how you seem to be twice as loud when you are trying to be so quiet.

As I was getting ready for bed I told my war stories of how work was tonight. Again I fell up the stairs at work. Catching myself at the last moment and sending a jolt through my body that I'm sure I will feel for a few days to come. I ended my story with "...and boy am I tired!" He looked at me for a second and said "But still very handsome". All I could do was smile.

This is the first time I have ever been with someone who I can't see myself without. The very thought of losing him sends a feeling of dread and panic that it makes me push away any such thoughts. Part of his charm is that he doesn't know his worth or realize how the little things he does mean the world. He knows when to hold my hand...and sometimes, that's everything.

Vacation Pride

2006-06-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

We managed to make it back from our Cabin at Bucks Lake without being eaten by a bear. We did a little swimming but due to the lake temperature Michael and I are no longer fertile. Dexter learned to swim rather quickly. He fell off a rock into the water, took in some water after a little panic attack but was dog paddling his way around just a few minutes later.

We drank, played pool, did some boating, did some hiking and mostly just relaxed. I got to visit with my with Grandparents, Sister and cousin and Michael visited with his Mom, Sister and Grandmothers. While we were there Michael also became an Uncle. His Brother and his wife now have little 9 pound Gwen. Our Mom's were suppose to meet for the first time but due to Gwen's birth it was postponed. Last time it was a flood - hmm...

Gay Pride on Sunday was cut short since I had to work in the morning. Missed the parade, but we did go down to stir among the crowd. My chicken on a stick (everything is better on a stick) pissed all over me so I had to walk around the rest of the day with chicken juice all over my shorts. Michael had his first funnel cake and I did a miserable job with my stealth photography.

A Goodbye

2006-06-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

I started working part time for a drug store when I was in my sophomore year of college. I worked in the one hour photo lab and loved my job. The interesting photos I would see on a daily basis as well as the wealth of photo knowledge that spawned my interest in photography made the job fun as well as educational. By my senior year I was managing two stores and asked if I would consider moving to New York to help develop a new market. I made the decision to leave school which I'm still not sure if I regret or not and moved to New York with my boyfriend to become a trainer. A year after my arrival in New York I was promoted to District Manager with an area that covered just North of New York City to just South of Canada and just East of Syracuse. I became obsessed with the job, working 7 days a week, complaining often and loving every minute of it. I was proud of myself. I was in control. I was making good money. I was seeing new cities that I would never of had the chance to see and meeting people who I would become life long friends with. Being from a core region I was the one with the answers and the one that knew how things were to be done. I felt powerful and in complete control of my life.

I left my apartment in Albany early in the morning one Friday so that I could visit some stores in Utica. I wanted to get back early since the news had said we would be getting snow later on in the day and a fellow District Manager who had a store within 10 minutes of mine and had asked if I could stop in for him and see how they were doing. At 9 p.m. the snow had already started to fall and I was finally on my way home. The 32oz Dr. Pepper in my cup holder was taking its toll on my bladder as I saw the sign saying 5 miles to the next rest area. My phone rang just as the 2 miles to the next rest area sign flew by. My fellow District Manager was calling to see how things went in his store. Pulling into the rest area I was disappointed to see that it wasn't a full service rest area, but a pull off and some port-o-potties. GERMS!! GERMS!!!

I sat in my car with the map lights on for about 20 minutes reading off my notes to my fellow District Manager. Finally I couldn't take it..."Look Arnie, If I don't get off this phone I'm going to piss myself!" He chuckled, thanked me for the information and we agreed to talk more on Monday morning. I turned off my car and walked over to the closest port-o-potty. I held the door open and used my cell phone as a flash light to make sure there were no raccoons or spiders waiting to jump out from the dark corners. I closed the door and tried to lock it. It slid but made no contact the first time or the second time I tried the lock. I was now in pain and lock or no lock I was going to pee NOW! Just about done when I hear foot steps approaching outside. The door opens and I say "Someone's in here". They knew.

I was shoved hard up against the plastic wall and kept there by an arm in the middle of my back. In the dim light that came through the semi transparent roof I could see the knife out of the corner of my eye. It was held up against my throat and he only said "Don't make a noise". As he did what he had came in there to do my mind circled. Was this really happening? This only happens to women! Men don't get raped! This can't happen to me! I'm in control! I'M IN CONTROL!!!

I don't remember much of the rest of the ride home. It felt like my car made its own way home as I sat there...thinking...thinking nothing. I opened up the apartment door as my boyfriend was watching TV. I walked past him and went straight to the shower. I locked the door behind me and sat on in the tub with the shower pouring down on me as I watched the blood stream down the drain with the hot water.

I never told him...We had been growing apart and from that point I didn't want him to touch me nor did I want to touch him. I asked him to leave a few months later. I pulled away from my family and my friends. I lost interest in my job and entered into a relationship just a few months later with someone who treated me like I felt. I let him control me, degrade me, keep me from friends and blame me for all the wrongs in the world. I quit my job and moved to Philadelphia with him. For four years I let this go on for no reason other than I felt like I deserved it and he was my punishment.

It didn't just happen "one day", but over a period of time. I realized I never was in control. I wasn't to blame. I didn't deserve the punishment from myself and especially not from him. I gave him my half of the house, took only my clothes and my dog and moved back to where I always wanted to live - California.

I have not shared this story with very many people in my life. A lot of people who are close to me are reading this and learning about this for the first time. We all have our secrets, humiliations and disgraces we don't share. I can only hold so many secrets these days. This one I needed to let go. I needed to let it rest and say goodbye to it.

So...

2006-06-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

I dreamed that San Francisco was under attack by balloon bombs last night. I guess I wasn't doing my normal screaming - but making "action noise" which got me woken up.

2 days and counting until vacation! Then we get to hang out a bit in Chicoroville to visit family. Haven't seen Grandpa in awhile and doesn't sound like he is doing so good, so MUST stop and kick his ass at a few rounds of dominos.

The boss was polluting the air out of both ends today. Quite unapologetically...I avoided him the rest of the day because I was out of mints and didn't have any matches on me.

Hubba Puppa

2006-06-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

Due to puppies Greta Garbo nature I was not allowed to properly illuminate the "Gum Chewing" experience.

Ok, so its actually a piece of toy...

Yoga for Back Care DVD has been an extremely entertaining part of our day. Mountain Pose, Cobra Pose, Powerful Pose...Namaste! The dog continues to watch us with concern and requires that he must sit in our laps as we make our backs supple. My concern for my limberness grows day by day. I have for the most part memorized the routine and am able to bend and stretch on his verbal commands alone without having to look at the TV. This is a great relief to my inner spirit. It means I no longer have to look at his pony tail which causes me much angst.

My boss has found a way to make his breath not only smell far worse than it did before, but he has also found a way to make it linger in the air long after he has left. Its a smell that the human olfactory senses were not meant to tolerate. A sweaty sock wrapped around a rotting onion and plugged into a Rhino's ass for a week is not even a comparison. I bought myself some mints to keep in my pocket at work so that when he comes up to me, I automatically plop one in my mouth as I immediately offer him one. Thankfully he has yet to refuse and I have been able to maintain being upright.

The Omen, The Salad and The Terminator

2006-06-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

It was entertaining to see the premier of The Omen's remake on 6/6/06. However; Damien didn't scare me so much as he made me want to take his toys away and beat him with them.

Michael continues to get more and more creative in the kitchen.

Arnold did not recieve my vote on the 6th...But the one I did vote for will hopefully deactivate the terminator in November.

Mission Dolores

2006-06-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

Scratch another one off our to do list - we finally made it over to Mission Dolores. Scaffolding and wet paint signs up all over the place made me think they weren't going to be open.

However:

Patty Melt for me and Chicken Fried Steak for Michael at the Bagdad Cafe and we were on our way to Safeway for some light shopping. Using my Stealth camera work I managed to take a photo of my biggest pet peeve while grocery shopping.

WHY WHY WHY do people park their cart on one side of the aisle and then stand on the other side so that they manage to block the whole fucking aisle??? Do you see how annoying this guy is? Do you see the guy in the background who is thinking of where he is going to hide this guys body? And I'm going to help him damn it!

Vision Of Ikea

2006-06-01T23:21:00.000-07:00

First let me say that I can't stand Mariah Carey! I don't like arrogance, snobbery or people with that self entitlement attitude. Of course she is just one of many (Whitney Houston and Tom Hanks) that have portrayed these traits in interviews she has done. The one thing that really annoys me about her? She has a Jack Russell Terrier and named him JACK! That just annoys the shit out of me!

Makes you just want to kick her!

...took ourselves to Ikea for 5 hours tossed a lamp spiceunscathed...

Today we took ourselves to Ikea where we dined on Swedish Meatballs before setting out on our 3 hour trek. Michael managed to keep me in that store for 5 hours one time, so 3 hours was a breeze! We tossed a lamp that was half off into our buggy and some spice containers and considered ourselves pretty unscathed as we headed for the register.

Me funny

2006-05-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

Amusing myself through out the day is always one of my top priorities. I honestly think I'm hilarious, but that is a debatable fact to countless others. Being easily amused I find the little dances I do in the hallways at work electrifyingly funny. My busting out into lip syncing to any Diva song that comes on the radio in the break room always gets a smile out of me. And I can always bring myself to tears by laughing so hard when I pass gas and successfully blame it on someone else at work! This is more a self preservation of pride than anything, but I can't be the only person over the age of 12 that laughs at a little gas now and then.

...I'm alone panic sets in need to flee lay thegroundwork...

I walk across the road during lunch break and decide to buy myself a Diet Peach Snapple (Addiction isn't pretty). I'm alone, no one to my left or my right so I do what anyone would do when alone. Just then a co-worker rounds the corner and heads right to where I'm standing. Panic sets in because I am already experiencing what I have just done and its leaving me with watery eyes and a need to flee. She walks up next to me and says "Whatcha buying? Ohh...Getting your fix again huh?" Just then a man passes by us and I quickly I lay the ground work.

I look around and wrinkle up my nose and look disgusted. "Do you smell that? Damn, that guy is fucking gross! Something died up inside him!" My co-worker looks around then says "OH DAMN!!! Shit, I'm outta here"

Later at work she recounts how that guy singed her nose hairs and we both laugh...Well, some more than others.

Move over Magic

2006-05-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

We are on our way to becoming stage parents!

How could Old Navy pass that face up?

Post on a Stick

2006-05-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

A
fter Michael made us some awesome Eggs and French Toast for Breakfast we headed down to see the Asian Heritage Street Fair which was only a few blocks from home. We then ate some Chicken Satay on a stick (Everything taste better on a stick) and finally took puppy to the park.

Count down to vacation is coming...Need to get two books. Naked by David Sedaris is one, but what else? Hmmm...

Memories...

2006-05-19T02:27:00.000-07:00

Oh my god does this take me back to highschool! Michael came across this site and it was so perfect!!!

81

2006-05-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the office today I notice that someone has placed an itty bitty calculator next to the computer monitor. Its aqua in color, says "HYATT" on the front and has a a fancy little lid that is opened with an orange button. I'm instantly intrigued and realize that I must without a doubt push that little orange button. I pick up the itty bitty calculator and as prophisized push the orange button. The lid pops open with a slow motion type effect that briefly makes me smile and I sense a giggle somewhere deep down trying to get out. I relish the idea that I will be pushing this button a few hundred more times before the day is over. With the lid open I now can commence to do what I always do when confronted with a calculator.

9 X 9 =

Today was the first time that I actually paid attention to the fact that I always key in "9 X 9 =" into each and every calculator that happens to pass my way. Its not particularly interesting as much as it is disturbing in its non sense ritual like behavior.

Really? How interesting!

2006-05-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

Finally finished reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Other books have been read in the same time frame that I have been reading this one, but I was so sick of looking over at my "reading" section and seeing the same book that it was time to do something about it.

It really was a great book and I enjoyed his writing technique of being random, ironic, witty and all together "WTF?". A large part of the book was set in San Francisco which only added to my attraction and need to read it. So why did it take so long to finish?

I have always enjoyed reading and anyone who has ever suffered through me telling a story knows that I have a deep and satanic love for giving details. However, my attention span is a well oiled machine of being able to appear interested in what I have long since faded away from. I have way too many things to think of at once that are far more important and demand my rapid attention at any given moment. Start to tell me about something of great importance and I have more than likely heard the first 2 minutes of your story, decided what your story is about, how it will end and that it no longer requires my attention. I can now move on to topics such as:

Is it REALLY impossible to travel faster than the speed of light?
If a bear attacked me would I shit my pants first? Or while I was running?
What does poo taste like to a dog?
What theme should I make my template next?
If Goofy and Pluto are both dogs, why can Goofy talk and Pluto can't?
What do you call those red cylinder things that put out fires? Um...What are they called? OH YEAH - Fire extinguishers!

I've never really had an attention span and it takes a great amount of work and focus to keep myself on track on a daily basis. I get bored easily and tend to tire of things rather unexpectedly...I think I have answered my question of why it took so long to finish the book.

In fact...WAIT - Is Goofy a dog...Yes Yes...Goofy is definitely a dog...

Newest

2006-05-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

This would be an example of me: Web Shit

We are adding to our list:

Rent a paddle boat and have a picnic on Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park.

Tweez-a-bye

2006-05-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

Sleep did not come to me at all last night! Worked late the night before then had to be up early for a meeting in Daily City. I tried laying there and clearing my mind...The songs just kept coming! Tried to lay still and mentally relax legs, then torso then arms then head...Just got itchy!

I exhaled with a sigh of exhaustion and felt a slight tickle in my left nostril. Rubbing my nose and turning on to my side I exhale again and the tickle is still there. Ignore, Ignore, Rub, Rub...Still there.

DAMN IT!

I jump out of bed, walk into the bathroom and pull out the tweezers with the intent on finding the offending hair! Pluck, Ouch, Tear, Pluck, Ouch Tear...

Back to bed...Exhale...Tickle...DAMN IT.

I stick a piece of toilet paper in my nose and lay there awake till the alarm went off...

Bewitched the movie....SUCKED!!!!! Being a fan of the series I had high hopes! Will Farrell? Ugh

One Year

2006-05-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

Today it has been a year since my Grandmother passed away. 5/5/05 - The three fives still weird me out.

The past few months I have recalled her more and more. I didn't just love her because she was my Grandmother, I loved her because she was such a special person. She laughed easily, loved whole heartily, hated no one, never lied and when she looked at you - you knew she loved you.

One thing that will always be on my mind is the fact that my Grandmother is the only person in my family who I never told I was gay. I was asked not to. "She won't understand" and "She is a little naive when it comes to those things" were the excuse as to why. Granted I was told this when the rest of the family was still in shock and trying to "accept" it, but I never told her.

I give her more credit than the rest because I think she actually knew. At least I hope she actually knew. I don't want to think that she never knew the real me. I don't want to think that a person who I looked up to and respected didn't actually know who I was. The person who I have become is due in large part to her influence. I will never be the type of person she was, but I will continue to try. Even though I hid who I really was from not only my friends and family but also from myself for the first 20 years of my life, I like to pretend that she saw through all that and unlike so many - she didn't care.

My Grandmother never yelled at me, never told me she was disappointed in me, never embarrassed me and never looked down on me. She told me often how much she loved me and how proud she was of the person I'd become. I know she meant that with all of her heart, I just pretend that she said that after knowing everything...

Day of the Bloggers

2006-05-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday we didn't meet just one fellow blogger, we didn't meet just two or three fellow bloggers, we met FOUR fellow bloggers!!

First we met The Mayor of Fist City and her husband at Fort Pointe. We then played follow the leader and led them down Lombard Street, up to Coit Tower and then finally to Fisherman's Wharf. Feeling a little like my jokie self, I took them past the bushman hoping that he would scare the shit out of The Mayor so I could laugh and laugh...Sadly he did not jump out at her, but they did get to see him at his best, so it was worth the stroll to find him.

Down to Pier 39 for some Salt Water taffy for Mr. Mayor and back again for them to grab a chowder bowl. It was great to put a face with the punching girl and hopefully we will meet up again sometime!

Next we drove down to Santa Cruz to not only meet up with Miss Sizzle, but also OC Girl and Mr. Rodacre. Sizz gave us a tour of the Cruz before we had a toast to new friends and some awesome cheese to go with it!! Strolling around downtown we stopped and looked at vibrators and boas before finally making our way for some awesome Mexican food. Mr. Rodacre was almost eaten by a stretch Christine and Sizz earned her Austin Powers drivers license as we laughed and laughed as she did the pull up - turn, back up - turn, pull up - turn, back up - turn -- since stretch Christine was determined to block her in.

Back to Sizzle's for some story swapping and then the 1.5 hour drive home. Funny how you share stories, leave comments, give advice, look through photo albums, become friends - and all with people you have never met. Seeing these people walking towards you for the fist time feels like you've known them for a life time. All of them were just as they portrayed themselves to be in their writings and their stories. Each of them just as I had hoped they would be!

Here's to friends! New and old!

The Laser Show

2006-04-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

I have been playing jokes on people since I was a little kid. First my parents got most of it. Then I moved on to my Grandmother who entertained me the most even to this day! I would be laughing so hard that tears would be rolling down my face as I tried to catch my breath after pulling a particular good one over on Grandma.

Yesterday I realized that my childish trait for pulling pranks was far from gone.

We have a new employee working with us (we will call her Beam) who is about 24 or 25 years old. She is from China and is still learning English. She is extremely smart and artistic, but she is a 5 year old in a 25 year olds body! I don't know anything about her backstory so I can only assume she was very sheltered.

A laser pointer left in my drawer from the previous tenant caught my eye and became my favorite toy for the day since I started working there. I was flashing it all over the walls and ceiling trying to see how accurate I could be on the first aim when Beam came around the corner and spotted the red dot flying around the room. As soon as I saw her I stopped my little light show with a bit of embarrassment until I realized that she was wondering where in the hell this little red dot was coming from. I was about to have fun...I could feel it!

Beam: What was that?

Me: What?

Beam: That red light

Me: What red light?

Beam: No - I seen it on wall

Me: You feeling ok?

She looks around a bit more and then leaves the room. For the rest of the day I carried my new toy in my pocket and would randomly shine it on things that Beam was looking at. Face down intent on reading some piece of paper would suddenly be riddled with red light from no where - with a start she would look around wide eyed trying to find her attacker!

After doing this for the better part of the day I hear her in the other room talking to another associate who I have let in on the joke.

Beam: I see ghost!

Associate: What kind of ghost?

Beam: Red ghost! Only I see - No one else see ghost - I see ghost though!

Associate: Did you take too much of your cold medicine?

Beam: NO!

Associate: If you take too much it can make you see things!

Beam: *Looking shocked*

I put my new toy back in its drawer with tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard...Until next time my pretty little toy - until next time!

One more

2006-04-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

My latest!

Some B*%&@ decided that the spot behind my car was big enough for her big ass Volvo to parallel park in. And it was! If her fucking ass could drive that is! So now the back of my blue car has gold Volvo juice all over it! Damn I hate people like that! I have parallel parked on some freaking crazy hills in SF and not once have I tapped or bumped someone's car! How do these fools do it on flat pavement? MUST...GET...REVENGE...CHANGING...ANGER COMING...

"Most Good For the Most People"

2006-04-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

We graduated yesterday from NERT class! Should an earthquake hit the SF area, we are now qualified to save some asses! Last day of class involved search and rescue practice, fire extinguisher use, utility shut off, triage and the passing out of diplomas and ID badges by the Battalion Chief! Even cake!!

The orange vests and hard hats were on back order, much to Michael's dismay. He already had the camera set out in preparation of many orange vested camera poses.

Choosey Exterminators Choose Jif

2006-04-20T01:04:00.000-07:00

The exterminator comes to where I work about once and month to check and reset the mouse traps and glue traps that he has strategically laid out in the back room. Judging from his careful placement of these traps he fancies himself a pretty good judge of mouse character. In place of the traditional cheese cube he puts peanut butter to tantalize the taste buds of his whiskered enemy.

Every month he comes to find the mouse traps have been tripped but are empty of mousy corpses. His glue traps are usually missing altogether or filled with so much debris that they are practically useless.

Every month he re-springs the bar on the trap and puts a fresh dollop of peanut butter (Not sure if its Jif or Peter Pan) on the trigger with ever more resolve to outsmart his foe. He places his glue traps and then leaves the building wondering if he is dealing with some genius cyborg mouse that has been able to evade his Peanut buttery debotchery.

Confession:

After the Peter Pan exterminator leaves, I set off all the traps. After having pet mice as a kid I can't stand the thought of them in pain in those traps. The last glue trap met with a nasty broom and had bristles all stuck to it which rendered it useless and thus had to be thrown away. I Attack the glue traps first because of there extremely cruelty and then move on to tripping the bar traps one by one. There, I finally admitted it! A weight has been lifted!

I once saved a Chipmunk from a glue trap using Goo Gone, but that's a whole other story!

The Rigid and the Proud

2006-04-18T02:13:00.000-07:00

I work with a guy we'll call Arnold Jr. because of his obsession with body building. Not only is his size comparable to our Governors, he even has an accent - Russian.

Arnold Jr. came around the corner and started talking to me about Football or baseball or basketball (I've never been interested in sports, so the topic floated by me). He headed straight to his chair and missed it. He went head over heals and landed on the floor with a rigid thump that I have only seen my non-limber dog perform.

I stopped short of pointing, but I did laugh...Laughed hard! Laughed for a long time. When he got up, he continued his topic while I continued laughing with tears flowing down my face I was laughing so hard.

Complete change of topic:

I find it funny as well as endearing that my Mom still wants me to know that she is a proud parent of her "gay" son. The cute round about ways she does it make me laugh sometimes. Today she called just to let me know that she rented Brokeback Mountain and cried and cried at the end of it. Then she had to tell me yet again how glad she was that I had Michael in my life and just how much she loves him.

Mom: He sure is cute
Me: Yeah, I think so!
Mom: He really looked good with that beard!
Me: I know! And I didn't used to like beards!
Mom: Everything going good with you two?
Me: Oh yeah! Everything is real good...We are just stuck inside because of all the damn rain
Mom: Well at least your stuck inside together - I'm so glad you two have each other, I think you are both just what each other needs
Me: I do too Mom!
Mom: Love you
Me: I love you too
Mom: Tell Michael I love him too
Me: I will - bye

You gotta love my mom!

Better or Worse? Better or Worse?

2006-04-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

So....Umm...Yeah!

Vote in the poll and let me know...Cause my constant need for reassurance is killing me :)

Puppy had cabin fever so we all went to Fort Funston. A huge off Leash park, complete with dead seals on the beach and plenty of places for dogs to get their under carriage dirty!

Jury Doodie

2006-04-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

6:00pm Friday - Call the number I'm instructed to about my Jury Duty.

"Please call back on Monday at 5:30pm - and remain on call all week"

5:30pm Monday:

"Please call back on Tuesday at 5:30pm - and remain on call all week"

5:30pm Tuesday:

"Please call back on Wednesday at 5:30pm - and remain on call all week"

5:30pm Wednesday:

"You are scheduled to appear at 400 McAllister at 8:30am"

NOOOOOOOOO!!!! DAMN DAMN DAMN

I could have done Jury Duty Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday, I could have even done it on Friday - Why oh why MUST it be Thursday!! Thursday I have my NERT class and if I miss a day I can't be certified...

Postpone?? Postpone? That would be a good idea, but the clerks all leave at 4:30 which is why they have you call at 5:30. Call first thing in the morning? That would be awesome too - if the clerks would answer the phone after being on hold for 40 minutes.

Sitting in the Jury Room waiting and waiting I get to enjoy the guy behind me who clears his throat constantly every 15 seconds, the lady sitting in my row who gets up every 5 minutes and lets her seat slam back up - vibrating every seat and stunning me into a deeper hatred of her, the guy who has brought his laptop and is banging on the keyboard like it just called him the few select names that I want to call him and the woman who keeps staring at me and won't look away when I look back at her. Two hours of this and my name is called - You are free to go...

Caught a cab back to my NERT class till 4pm then went to work till after midnight...

I'm cranky!

Although I did get to play a dead person during our triage training!

We'll be back after these messages...

2006-04-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

We all have weird rituals, habits, tics, eccentricities or behaviors that we feel make us odd. Hiding these behaviors from friends, relatives or co-workers seems like the natural if not wise thing to do in order to feel like we fit in. We are so caught up in hiding these behaviors we rarely stop to think that the person we are hiding them from is doing the exact same thing. Assuming that they are normal and we are weird - They have their shit together and we are most definitely walking the line of insanity.

Realizing that I am in fact weird in a world filled with weirdos I play games with myself when my momentary lapses in brain function happen. I realized I was doing this not that long ago when I commented to someone about this...

Game 1:

I call someone on the phone and just as the phone starts to ring my brain thinks it will be funny to forget who I'm calling. I then realize that I in fact don't remember whose number I just dialed and panic and excitement set in. I try to remember quickly before they answer. If I remember before they say "Hello" I win! If I don't remember until I recognize their voice then my brain wins. If I don't recognize their voice then panic takes over and I hang up.

Game 2:

I'm watching TV and it goes to commercial - As it always does. A few commercials in I realize that I don't even remember what show I'm watching on TV. Now at this point, the goal is to try to NOT remember the show during the next 732 commercials before the show starts up again. I try everything I can to not think of what I was watching because I want to be surprised when the commercials finally end and the show starts back up. If I do remember the show during the commercial break then I'm not only severely disappointed, but my brain wins that round. If I don't remember during the break then I win and I get to shout "OHhhh...That's right!" Sometimes disappointment still sets in because the show sucks anyway.

I've been doing this in my head for years and only recently actually thought about it. Its seems I have been even trying to hide my weird behaviors from me!!

Random Facts

2006-04-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we enter the new and exciting world of NERT!

Monday I have Jury Duty

A woman on the street today told me I had a nice voice and should be in drama

Our landlord hires her Chef (Fry Cook) to do maintenance work on the house

In the fridge we currently have three strips of bacon and two flour tortillas - that's it

Boogeyman was so awful it gave the dog gas

I slipped on the floor at work and looked like I was doing James Brown moves

SUCKA!!

2006-04-04T01:52:00.000-07:00

My first day in Third Grade was an experience in culture shock. My parents and I had just moved back to the United States after living in Saudi Arabia for the past 7 years. After a brief interlude in California we moved to Texas in a neighborhood whose residents included George Foreman, a Congressman, a slew of television personalities and every well to do family whose shit didn't stink.

My fellow classmates were not like anything I was use to. In Arabia I went to School on an American camp that was essentially just for the kids who parents worked for the Oil Company. Kids from all over the world - many colors, accents and cultures.

As I sat in my chair listening to Texas twangs I was missing all my friends overseas and maybe sulking just a bit. Everyone had on their best new outfits for their first day of school with their shiny new pencils, pens without teeth marks and notebooks yet to be molested by various "I Heart ____" on them.

The teacher, Mrs. Cummings walked up to the front of the class and announced the first order of business for the day.

"Its time to pick who will be the board monitor for the first six weeks. All those who are interested come write your name on the board and I will pick from that list at the end of class today."

A thunderous clan of children rushed to the board to write their names down in order to be the coveted board monitor. I turned around to face the kid sitting behind me, "What does a board monitor do?" Looking up from his huge glasses "OH - if your the board monitor you get to stay after the bell rings and clean off the chalk board with a wet towel!" I stared at him for a second waiting to hear the best part. "Then what?" I asked. "Then you clean off the erasers and they pick someone new after your turn is over later on" he said. "Oh" I replied.

A few years later when we graduated to Middle School our class did a time capsule that was to be opened in a little ceremony that we would return for when we graduated from Highschool. We put things like a pair of Vans, pictures and a school newspaper inside and soon forgot about it. A few days before graduation we were told about the opening of the time capsule and told we would all get up in front of our old teachers and their students to talk about our most memorable moment.

As a prelude to what would be my forte in my many meetings I gave at work, I did not prepare for the speech I would make - I was going to wing it and see what would come out. As I took my place behind the podium I looked up and saw Mrs. Cummings staring up at me. I opened my mouth to hear what I would say:

"From my very fist day here, I remember the teachers trying to con us into thinking that cleaning their scribble off the chalk board and beating the chalk dust out of their erasers was not only something we wanted to do, but something to compete over. To those of you who are now the board monitor, you've been suckerd!"

I looked over at Mrs. Cummings who had the biggest smile on her face and started to giggle. As I walked back to my seat, third and fourth graders were looking at each other with an expression of "You know what..." And Mrs. Cummings winked at me as I sat down.

The Gray Ghost

2006-04-03T02:18:00.000-07:00

My third blog design! A fellow blogger buddy wanted a change - new template, new name and new title. Went with a Weimaraner theme - they are often refered to as "Gray Ghosts". I had to personalize my blog design logo on her site - Its so cute you will just want to piss yourself!

So go check out DogMa at Gray Ghost!!

Fort Mason

2006-03-29T22:28:00.000-08:00

A Commercial

2006-03-25T14:47:00.000-08:00

Was it my Junior or Senior year of Highschool?
I can't remember...
Our assignment was to video tape a commercial with each group of four using a different advertising method. The other three in my group included a jock from the football team who was the stereotypical "DUUHHHH" type, a granola grass smoking dude and a girl who would get embarrassed if you even looked at her tying her shoes. I know, I know - remind you of something? It hit me years later...

Our product (Picked by the teacher) was THE ECHO PEN. Named for its incredible ability to write by itself! A self writing pen! WOO HA! Rolling my eyes at this announcement I turned to my group - What style of advertising do Ya'll (I went to highschool in Texas so Ya'll was mandatory speech) want to do?

Jock: Whatever

Granola: What?

Girl: *averts eyes*

Me: Ok then, I'll just go sign us up for one.

I didn't like any of the choices that were left so I chose one and decided that we wouldn't follow it anyway. The genius of our commercial would surely make this a moot point.

We were to go home, come up with some ideas and go over them the next day in class with our group. I came up with doing a spoof of the Energizer Bunny. The commercial just came out and it was a big deal - back when they would do a real looking commercial and then in the Energizer Bunny would come banging his drum and looking cool with his shades. Since nobody else in the group had ideas to pitch, we went with mine.

I didn't want to actually be in the video myself. I could see it all in my head as to how I wanted this to go and my help was limited.

"Quite, you run the camera!"
" Jock, you are going to be the star of the commercial"
"Granola - you are on props!"

Here is where my brilliance kicked in. We would do a commercial for something like sandwich bags - Jock would hold up the bags and give us his best smile! Granola would pull the Energizer Bunny (Toy's R Us pink Rabbit with a homemade drum and some shades) on a string across the table in front of jock while I banged some drums off camera. THEN, (GENIUS - PURE GENIUS) Granola was to knock the bunny over by pulling the string real hard and Jock was to look all surprised and baffled (he was great at that). The rest I would do myself with the magic of computers!

It went perfect! Seven takes later, it went perfect! I took the video tape and off I went to use the computers at my Step-Dad's office. I drew a picture of a pen with the computer and then animated it to twist and twirl and look like it was drawing. It would spin out and look like it knocked the Bunny down and would then write all by itself off to the right of the screen. I then did a voice over saying "The Incredible Echo Pen, it keeps going and going and going - Get yours now!!" A spoof of a spoof! With computer animation - from Highschoolers!!! I was the shit!

I watched my cinematography with pure delight and couldn't wait till the day the teacher would show them all to the class. I KNEW we would be the best! The day we handed them in, the Teacher previewed them with just the group first. She saw ours and her face just lit up! She was teaching geniuses and would make her mark on the world! The day had finally come! Her teaching career had all come down to this!!

The next day she wheeled the AV cart into the classroom and started the show. Commercial after commercial of awkward kids pitching a self writing pen. She was saving ours for last - I knew she was.

Two more to go - she saved it for last as I knew she would and put in the "Popular People's" tape just before ours. Two football players and two cheerleaders comprised this little clan. I sat back and thought "This should be good".

The commercial starts - The cheerleaders are in their bikini's sitting by the pool as the jocks come up in their bathing suits behind them saying "I got one!" The cheerleaders jump up and exclaim:

Oh - let me see it!
Oh my, its so big!
Can I touch it?
Can I put it in my mouth?

The jocks pull their pens out from behind their backs as they look at the camera and say:
"Get yours today!!".

WTF??

Our commercial was played with little fan fair after that. The teacher asked if anyone wanted to see ours again. Almost in unison the class shouted "NO - Play the SEX one again!"

Lesson learned...

Fist City Revamped

2006-03-24T01:34:00.000-08:00

So I volunteered to do The Mayor's blog template for her. I wanted the practice, I'm shockingly finding myself more and more nerdy with learning HTML and of course Mayor is the awesome! Hopefully she liked it, cause I am just way too into this HTML crap!

Lady Bug - Lady Bug Fly Away Home!

2006-03-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

Standing in line to buy our Azalea bush at Sloat Nursery I notice a little refrigerator filled with cups of lady bugs. I couldn't resist...I snagged a cup of lady bugs and couldn't wait to get home to let them out. My Grandmother loved lady bugs and used to sing the lady bug song every time one landed on her - which seemed to happen often. She attracted lady bugs... To this day, every time I see a lady bug I think of my Grandmother and sing the lady bug song.

Oddly enough, on the day my Grandmother passed away last may, I was sitting with my Mom and Uncle when my mom spotted a lady bug flying around inside her house. "OHHH - there's a lady bug!" I started crying and my Mom set the lady bug free in the front yard.

There seemed to be hundreds of the lady bugs as they came pouring out of the cup onto our new Azalea bush and Michael's fancy moss lined stones. I thought of Grandma as they crawled on my finger and sang the lady bug song to myself...

Sizz Gets an A+

2006-03-22T18:28:00.000-08:00

When Ms. Sizzle got a new camera I told her that I was going to give her a photo assignment to break it in. Being the wild crazy girl she is, she said "Bring it on!"

Her theme for her photograph was "RED". Armed with that, Ms. Sizzle took a few photographs for her project which were all red and fun.

The winner and my favorite which earned her an A+:

A Quote

2006-03-22T01:08:00.000-08:00

Our only security is our ability to change.

~John Lilly

3/19/06

2006-03-19T23:12:00.000-08:00

You down with OCD?

2006-03-16T14:15:00.000-08:00

I admitted it...

After watching the Simpson's with Michael and laughing about a cowboy with OCD who kept counting to four and tapping his foot I admitted my few mild OCD traits. I realize I do them and understand why I do them. Admitting it out loud however has given a whole new outlook on my strange behaviors. I will continue to do them because, well, I have to. I will just now be aware that someone else knows I'm doing them and will forever associate me with an OCD character from the Simpson's.

Before walking out the door to go to work I have to count that I have the four things I always take by actually touching them. 1) Touch keys in right pocket 2) Touch wallet in back right pocket 3) touch cell phone in left front pocket 4) touch work keys. 1,2,3,4 once more - And out the door. Its my way of not forgetting them...I use to have to count to five when I wore a watch to work.

One behavior that I actually had to really focus on to get rid of was my sense of left and right balance. If I touched something with my right hand, I then had to touch it with my left hand If I didn't, then my left - right balance was thrown off. If two fingers on my right hand touched something, I then had to touch the remaining 3 fingers from that hand as well as the five from the other hand in order to keep the balance. That was even strange for me and I still fight myself not to do it.

Of course there is always the one that everyone enjoys teasing me about. I HAVE to touch the outside of the airplane before I get on it. If I don't touch something on the plane that will be expose to the elements as we fly something grave will happen - I just don't know what.

So now...Its almost time to get ready for work and I will no doubt count and touch my items with a new sense of being self aware that I indeed am crazy!

Partay!!

2006-03-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

Mom's reaction was priceless! The look of surprise and the tears of joy that we all gathered to celebrate her birthday was everything we had hoped for!

Aunt R decorated up a walker and did a little roast of my Mom's first steps into elderlydom and everyone else got drunk! Very drunk... The singing cousin sang and even had time to really piss off Aunt R and Random Girl! Asking Random Girl's daughter if her step-father ever molested her? Ah yes...Out of the mouths of the drunken!

The party then moved to the Casino and piano bar where Brother-in-law was sure he could make me rich by showing me which machine to gamble on. He was wrong! I still can say that I have never won at gambling and I still can say that I get depressed when I lose $10 bucks to the slot machine!

Completely convinced that my ability to walk upright was coming to a quick end we made our way to our blow up mattress and the 30 somethings had to concede to the 60 somethings who continued the party to the next dance floor down stairs!

Hey Hey The Gangs all here!

2006-03-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

We are outta here for 3 days! Mom's surprise 60th birthday is this weekend. Its been hell talking to her on the phone this week. Her Sister and a variety of cousins are flying in for the event.

Mom: I sure wish you could come up here this weekend since, I know they would sure like to see you - I would too - but I know you have to work...

Me: Yeah Mom, I wish I could too. Tell them I said Hi though OK?

I didn't really lie!! I just didn't tell her everything!! She thinks they are just going to the local watering hole for a drink, but we have a dinner, cake and balloons and many surprise guests just waiting to pop out! I can't wait!! Ain't nothing like getting drunk with your family on a special occasion!

Off to pack!

One K and One Squirt - Please!

2006-03-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Walking into Starbucks at 6:30 this morning I breath a sigh of relief that the normal overly perky coffee barrister is not working. I wasn't in the mood for idle chit chat and her normal comment "I LOVE that tie" would have sent me over the edge.

A Gray Mohair Hounds Tooth Suit has swallowed some lady and is forcing her to order some long elaborate drink that requires a triple shot, foam and only one squirt of something or other. The under perky barrister asks her name so he can write it on her Grande cup and all I catch coming from the neck of this Gray Mohair Hounds Tooth Suit is "That's with a K". What the hell - does this really matter how its spelled on your damn cup? My name is never right on mine but do you see me correcting them?

After I order my coffee I head over to join the rest of the herd and wait for our name (Spelled correctly) to be called out followed by the announcement of what exactly our drink is. This strips away a small part of my sense of privacy and I don't know why. I feel the judgment! The Gray Mohair Hounds Tooth Suit has decided to perch itself right on the edge of the coffee bar and be in the way of all those in line in front of it. It watches all the stirring, frothing, shot pouring and name calling with complete disinterest that everyone has to step around her to get their coffee. I sit in my chair hating her waiting - wishing - hoping someone says "Move Bitch!". Finally her name without a K is called and she double checks by asking - was this with one squirt? It wasn't - it had 3.

Its drink is remade and the Gray Mohair Hounds Tooth Suit wraps a scarf around the head protruding out of it and walks out the door. Just then my name is called and the coffee barrister announces my drink as she gives me a knowing look that tells me how much she hates 'C'athy too!

Random

2006-03-01T00:29:00.000-08:00

My most favorite toy ever when I was a kid was my Steve Austin Bionic Man Action Figure - I also had Oscar Goldman, complete with his tweed jacket and Top Secret brief case. Cuz had the Bionic Woman doll (Notice how hers was a doll and mine was an action figure?) and on occasion would mix our Star Wars figures into the mix - but only on special occasions! I remember her being overly fond of her Chewbacca figure and not being able to understand why she had one in the first place. "one of these things doesn't belong here". Of course I was overly fond of my Yoda figure - just saying

I can throw a handful of M&M's in my mouth with no problem. However, if I eat them one at a time I HAVE to see what color I'm eating or it will really REALLY bother me that I ate it without knowing its color. I find this to be a very sick and disturbing fact about myself. I have a few of these weird ticks that I don't admit out loud - a few I have to work at not doing. I have tried to perform an M&M blind color test which usually ends with me sticking out my tongue to see what color the candy shell is I'm about to ingest

Syndrome is my favorite Disney villain!
"When everyone'’s super, no one will be!"
Who can't identify with that one comment in one way or another?

'Hostel' Grounds

2006-02-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

Nice weather and a day off called for a drive. The three of us jumped in the car and headed down Highway 1 for a little exploring. 45 miles later we come across Pigeon Point Light Station and out comes the camera. Starfish, fish heads, fog and Dexter getting wedged between the rocks trying to climb back up...We did it all baby!!

Like Nothing Else.

2006-02-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

After grabbing my Diet Snapple Peach Tea, I got in line behind a Mother who was pushing her baby in what can only be Hummer's new H4. The off road 5 spoked 22's it was rolling on would give any Wrangler a run for its money. And the cargo room under the seat could fit at least 2 packages of huggies!

The kid sat there in his pimped out ride looking around at all the haters with an expression of superiority and boredom. He had it all and was going to let you know it. Mom slid her credit card and proceeded to take her bags of tampons, water, Advil and batteries and hang them off the back of the H4. She no sooner turned around to grab her receipt when the front wheel lifted off the ground by the weight of her purchase and sent her son's superiority flying over his head. She immediately coaxed him out of his tears by playing a little "Mommy's so sorry, please don't cry I'm so embarrassed as it is, I'll give you ANYTHING you want, please please please don't cry patty cake". He soon regained his composure and rolled on out...I of course being the polite person that I am had since got out of line in order to walk down one of the aisles so that I could have my laughing fit in private.

Acts of kindness

2006-02-20T00:50:00.000-08:00

Walk out the front door of where I work and depending on what time of day it is you will run into one of four people:

3pm - 10pm: Dominic. Dominic squeegees car windows and greatly appreciates a small donation for his work.

12pm - 3pm: Elvis. I don't really know what Elvis's real name is but I decided to call him Elvis after observing his "Can you spare some change" technique. Using the word "Can" as his queue to bend his left knee and shift his weight onto it at the right moment to give himself a little Elvis hip twitch.

9am - 12pm: Grumpy. Grumpy sits on his milk crate with an empty Starbucks cup in his hand and does nothing that I find interesting enough to take note of.

Chinchilla seems to show up at various times but never seems to overlap with Dominic, Elvis or Grumpy. She wears a towel on her head and is covered from neck to ankle in her brown chinchilla coat.

Walking out the door this afternoon I witness a woman put her hand in Elvis's face and say "no" before he could get out a word. She crosses the street and disappears behind her steering wheel before Elvis knew what hit him. I get another twenty feet before I hear CRUNCH!!!! Turning around I see Ms. No has pulled out into traffic without looking, much to Dominic's amusement who just rounded the corner and shouted "DAMMMMMMMNNN that's fucked up".

Upon Dominics arrival, Elvis gathers his things and takes his leave of the corner. Crossing the street, Elvis passes behind the two cars and then emerges walking towards Ms. No and her car. Holding out his hand he says "Excuse me ma'am, here's a piece of your car". He gives her a smile and disappears into the crowd.

I'm guessing that smile never left Elvis's face the entire way home.

What?

2006-02-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

Oh my god...Help me. I'm still playing with this template! It had a few bugs in it but I think I have worked them all out. I even had to make some buttons for my email etc... With their little compass/map background and beveled edges I could almost wet myself just looking at them!

Looks like Cheesy Mack left overs will be for dinner tonight
Its cold and wet outside and I will be very impressed with myself if I actually go run
Puppy needs a bath
Dogs upstairs are barking every night at 3am - Every night!
I need an arm band for my iPod
Grapes, Swiss Cheese and Dill dip make an awesome snack!
Need to get the oil changed in the car

I currently cannot get Phil Collins out of my head! I heard that stupid song Another Day in Paradise on the Radio yesterday and its been on auto-repeat ever since. And what the hell:

"Oh think twice, its Just another day for You and me in paradise"

Where the hell does he get off lecturing me? Lets compare bankrolls and decide who should be telling who to think twice. I wonder just how much Dominque (Local homeless guy at where I work) could squeeze out of old Phil's hand if he passed him by.

And another thing, why am I going on and on about Phil Collins?

FINALLY!

2006-02-18T03:11:00.000-08:00

3am and I am finally done with this template. Geez I need to give it a rest! I think I'll keep this one for awhile...with the work I put into it I better anyway...

TO BED WITH ME!

Book Learning

2006-02-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

Ever since I started doing this Blog I have been messing around with my template. I didn't know a damn thing about HTML code so I would play around with it and try to understand what changed when I did this or what would happen if I did that. At first all I would do is change the color of the font, then I would get brave and change the background color. It never takes me long to get bored of something so I would change my template completely every few months, searching for the "NOW THIS IS ME" template. I liked the minimalist look I had going on and knew that this was the direction I wanted to take. My biggest obstacle has been trying to understand how in the hell to get the graphics the way I wanted them. I kept messing around with Floating Boxes which kept messing me up even more.

Tired of the old 'Trial and Error' method I hiked my ass over to Barnes and Noble and bought HTML 4 for Dummies. Too excited that my possibilities would now be limitless I started skimming the book for all the stuff that I couldn't figure out on my own. I just knew that I would soon be like Neo and looking at HTML code would soon be like reading the predictable and boring books of Dean Koontz. I still haven't read the book from cover to cover like I should, but its on my list of things to do! I had a few of the "AHHH HAAA" moments as I fiendishly tore through the topics that I felt deserved attention and then finally decided to learn the way I always have...Look at a completed work and break it down. I downloaded template after template and took what I wanted from each to try to understand the damn code. And now, after all this time, I finally have the ability to put a stupid graphic above my blog...And it only took me 11 months! I is smrt!

Coit Tower....Check!

2006-02-15T19:33:00.000-08:00

We plowed through the tourist on Lombard Street and drove up to Telegraph Hill. Parking was available everywhere thanks to a SF Cop who made an all day project out of a 15 min task. Still can't figure out why people flick their change onto the window sill. Just like when people come to a pond or a fountain they instinctively grab for any loose change they can lay their hands on.

On the way home we bought a gas can for the lawn mower and decided that turkey dogs for dinner sounded too good to pass up! Mmmm Mm!

Our S.F. To Do List

2006-02-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

We have been slowly checking off things on our San Francisco "To Do" list. These were the things that we said "OH, and when we live there we can go______ AND we can do______!!

~~Muir Woods~~
Mission Delores
~~Legion Of Honor~~
~~De Young Museum~~
Alcatraz
~~Walk Golden Gate Bridge~~
~~Coit Tower~~
San Francisco Segway Tour
Spinning Restaurant
~~Palace of Fine Arts~~
Ferry Building
Exploratorium
~~Naked Beach~~
49 Mile Drive
~~Sausalito~~
~~Fort Point~~
~~Pier 39~~
Transamerica Building
Cheesecake Factory Patio Seating on Macy's 8th Floor
Asian Art Museum
Museum of Modern Art
China Town
~~Painted Ladies~~
~~Lombard Street~~
~~Yoda Statue in the Presidio~~
~~SF Zoo~~
~~Flower Mart~~
~~Japanese Tea Garden~~
~~Cliff House Restaurant~~
Grace Cathedral
~~Sutro Baths~~
~~Fisherman's Wharf~~
Baker Beach

I know I'm missing some things...

Hot Dog CEO

2006-02-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

Opting to forgo having leftovers tonight I decided to have myself a nice tasty Turkey Dog. The grocery store was out of Oscar Mayer so I bought a "deli" brand that made me a little uneasy but called to me none the less. Interested to do my own little taste comparison I stood in the kitchen waiting for the Pavlov like DING of the microwave. Since my mind is always doing its own game of free association I had the following conversation with myself:

I'm so hungry
MMmm...Turkey Dogs
Hehe Turkey Dogs
Hot Dogs
Wonder what is actually in a hot dog?
Where in the hell did the name "Hot Dog" come from anyway?
I know...I'll Google it after I'm done eating!
DING

Having finished my Turkey dogs I quickly typed in "How the hot dog got its name".
To my astonishment there seems to be a running debate on how such a name came about. A theory here, a theory there. I read a few, formed my opinion on just how it did come to be known as the HOT DOG and let my mind move onto the next annoying topic that would plague me for a few hours. The thing that really made me shake my head is that there is a NATIONAL HOT DOG & SAUSAGE COUNCIL in Washington! Imagine what that business card looks like!

Superego

2006-02-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

On the days when doubt fills your entire being without warning or cause and to answer the question "What's wrong?" is not only difficult but impossible, how do you find the answer for yourself? How do you answer the questions in your head that asks:

Am I enough?
Am I doing everything I should be doing?
Am I really worth it?

How do we get over situations that prove recurrent in our mind thus in our personality? If our personality is largely unconscious and unknown to even our own self, how do we expect to change what we want to change and forget what we need to forget?

Do the obstacles we experience shape us or hinder us? What would I be if only ______ wouldn't have happened. With the opportunity cost put aside of such a pointless thought, are they anymore irrelevant? Are the people we want to be unrealistic or the ones that could have been?

iPost

2006-02-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

I did it. I became one of "those" people. I am now the proud owner of an iPod. Its so shiny and sleek and black and tiny. I'm giddy with the prospect of knowing that I have 1.2 days worth of music all stored away in the palm of my hand. I also found out I could download books and have them read to me on it. I even looked for Naked by David Sedaris, but its the abridged version so that's disappointing.

Just because I'm feeling so musical today, I watched the opening of the Grammy Awards. What is with Madonna and leotards and Farah Faucet flip up hair? I don't approve! I disapprove of leotards in general. If your under 10 and in ballet classes I wouldn't think much of it, but after that...umm...Why would you WANT to wear one?

Michael sent me what may be my cure for falling behind in my music knowledge!
Pandora Music Project
Enter in someone you like and it will bring up artists that are similar to your taste to listen to - AND they could be classified as "new" artist!

Our toilet broke
Alanis's version of Crazy is my current favorite
Michael and the lawn mower got into a fight - I'm unsure of just who won
Pork Chops are GREAT marinated in Tea

So needless to say...

2006-02-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

If you live in an apartment, at what point does playing bongo drums sound like a good idea?
How many times can you unplug the wireless router that everyone pays for in a one month period? How many piles of dog poo can your dog squeeze out onto your neighbors welcome mat? When your dog barks and barks and barks and barks, should you ever tell him to shut up?

Rude? Lack of common sense? Indifferent? Contrary?

I DON'T KNOW!!

Legion of Honor

2006-02-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

Another item on our "To Do" list has a line through it! The Legion of Honor's Photo Exhibit of San Francisco After the Ruins has really given me the bug!!!!!

13x9

2006-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

Used a Paula Dean recipe and whipped up one of her dishes that made WAY more than she said it would. It was suppose to fit into a 13x9 pan - it wouldn't have. Since we don't have a 13x9 pan I had to put it into 2 cake pans and a loaf pan. Now we are swimming in homemade Cheesy Mac.

I woke up this morning crying after having the most realistic dream that my dog was dead. I woke up at the part where I picked up his little red collar and was about to completely lose it. I lay there for a bit thinking "Was that real?" - Lifted up my head to see if I could spot him anywhere and when I saw him in the chair curled up asleep relief washed over me. I guess Paula Dean's Extra Large Cheesy Mac gives you nightmares!

It was raining AGAIN last night, but I decided to break my rule and run in the rain. Put my hat on and my hoodie up and out I went. At first it was kind of nice to have the rain hitting me lightly in the face as I scooted along. Then my hoodie got heavier and heavier. The puddles were not so easy to run around as my shoes started to get soaked. My socks were getting wet and the rain that was so lightly hitting me in the face seemed to now be slapping me with disdain.

There are now 3 piles of Otherdog shit in front of our hallway. Their like Tuscan raiders! Where would I buy a sling shot???

Anafranil?

2006-01-31T01:40:00.000-08:00

Sunday after work I can't wait to get home and take a nap. I was up early, the day was long and stressful and all I want is to lay down. I come home, flop on the bed fully dressed and lay there for a few minutes. I feel sleep coming slowly. Its that good relaxed comfy feeling that tells you "OH this is going to be such a good nap". Michael asks me "Are you going to take a nap?" I say yes, so he draws the divider for me. I get out of bed to take off my clothes and then crawl back in bed to drift off to my nice comfy sleep.

During the time it took me to stand up and remove my clothes my mind has decided that its time to obsess. I'm laying there and my mind is rolling around the thoughts of "You really should run tonight" - "You know if you got up now you could get your run in before Desperate Housewives comes on" - "Your working late tomorrow and your not going to be able to run tomorrow".

DAMN IT! I get out of bed and decide that if I take a shower I will relax and clear my head. I don't know why I actually thought this would help because in the shower my mind goes crazy with weird conversations with itself while I stand there and observe. The hot water is so nice and warm and my mind starts up with "You REALLY need to run today" - "Your suppose to run every other day and you didn't run on Saturday".

DAMN IT! I get out of the shower put on my running clothes, grab my MP3 player and tell Michael I'll be back in a little bit. I run and run and run and tell myself to look up OCD when I get home.

What the Deuce?

2006-01-27T23:46:00.000-08:00

I hate the news! When did news casters become TV personalities? When did it become the norm for them to offer up their personal opinions on the stories they are reporting on? When did they throw away the Unbiased news reporting?

Report the damn news and shut up! I'll form my own opinion thank you!

The movies we watch...

2006-01-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

If you are not a member of Netflix and don't know how it works - You are missing out. Pick what movies you want to watch online and they are mailed to you in a few days. You rate what movies you have seen on a 5 star scale and then Netflix will recommend movies to you based on what you deem to be a good movie.

One thing that completely blows my mind at this point is that I have rated 1200 movies! TWELVE HUNDRED! Just now I busted out my calculator to see how many hours/days I have used of my life to watching movies. Just before hitting "=" I decided that was a bad fact to know about myself. That's not even counting the time used to watch a movie over and over again.

Michael and I each have our own Queue on the Netflix account. His choices come in and we watch them and my choices come in and we watch them. I have picked a few movies that I have seen only because I know he hasn't and I want him to. I suspect he does the same thing for me as his movie choices lately have been ones he has seen more than once! For the most part our basic movie enjoyment is the same. We both think that Alien is one of the best all time made Sci-Fi movies and Sigourney Weaver rocks! Star Wars is the awesome, cartoons are for adults not kids and love stories are not wasted on either one of us. Its the point that we differ where movie watching can be almost tortuous.

I will admit that I can really get into a good "chick flick". I can't recall how many times I have seen Steel Magnolias, Beaches or Pretty Woman. Michael's eyes would be bleeding if he were forced into watching any of the three. However, when netflix sent Michael Cabaret, I almost drifted into a coma. I'm glad that I have seen it since its such a Pop Culture movie, but geez does that movie suck! Liza is so painful to watch. And I still think Michael York looks like a man on the cusp of turning into a werewolf with his bulging cheek bones and eyebrows. I was speechless at the end of it and was just glad it was over. I was actually anxious watching Liza talk, walk, sing and flit around. And to think...This movie will be number 1201!

The Worm, The Rain and The Museum

2006-01-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

We met up with a friend of Michael's who is visiting from DC this week. Tuesday after work we stopped at Yumma's for some awesome Mediterranean food before starting our adventure. Next it was off to the Presidio Bowling alley where I bowled a whopping 116! Actually happy that I broke a hundred I left quite content. We then headed over to the Pilsner for a few beers, a few rounds of pool and some pinball. Somewhere on the walk to the Pilsner a little inch worm hitched a ride on Ben's hat and avoided detection until we were in the middle of Ben kicking my ass at pool. Plucking him off his hat, the worm went straight for an abandoned beer, never to be seen again.

Ben came down again the next day and we all walked through the park to see the De Young. We arrived just in time for the after party of a false fire alarm at the museum. Truck loads of people milled around waiting for the all clear while an old lady got medical attention for hitting her head. I assume for falling as she sprinted from what she must have thought was an inferno of art and architecture coming down around her.

Not wanting to just hang out we took Ben over to the Japanese Tea Garden while the after party continued. Being without our newly purchased umbrellas we were not too amused as the rain started coming down. We quickly scampered over to the tea hut and settled down with some tea and watched it rain. I've always wanted to have tea in this little hut so I wasn't pouting about the whole thing - yet. Something about having a shaved head and rain coming down on you is just creepy feeling. Hoodies, hats and left behind umbrella's can be a shaved headed man's best friend! But at least I was out of the rain for the time being!

All clear giving, we were back at the De Young with camera in tow:

Rain soaked path at Japanese Tea Garden:

The view from the De Young Tower:

One of my favorite paintings at the museum:

One of my favorite photographs in the photography section:

This collection of photographs does not appeal to me at all, chairs in odd positions. I'm not feeling it:

This one I like. Hundreds of commuters see this site everyday but this is a different way to look at it:

This is kind of interesting. Just books a pack of Marlboros and two cigarettes in the ash tray. No explanation other than gathering clues from the books and the fact that one cigarette is a Marlboro and one is a Winston:

A coffin:

Hopefully Ben had a good time and the worm is somewhere sleeping it off...

To the Mattresses!

2006-01-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

We decided to take it to the mattresses today and go in search of our perfect nights sleep. After 8 months on an Aerobed our bodies are beginning to show signs of wear and tear. Ever had sex on an Aerobed? - It ain't the same!

Brunch at Luna's in the Castro and then we are off to our first mattress store. Mike the ~~used car salesman~~ mattress salesman greets us and goes through his rehearsed ~~used car~~ mattress sales pitch. How lucky for us that the mattress we have our eye on is the best, in his opinion? How lucky for us that he goes to call his manager and is authorized to give us a discount because they have so many in stock? Mike is great! Mike is our friend! Mike has excruciatingly long hairs growing out of his ears that I am having a hard time not grimacing at. We tell Mike he is our first stop and as much as we like him and his ear hair we have to look around some more.

Second stop is more of the same only the salesman is Mike 30 years younger and 30 pounds heavier. Third stop I can't help but sing the jingle that Michael hates so much. ONE EIGHT HUNDRED M-A-T-T-R-E-S. The last "s" in the jingle is left out and drives him insane, also making it more enticing to sing. Upon entering, the very British man with his stereotypical British teeth is standing there in his cigarette smoke filled showroom with some jazzy little dance tunes coming from his office cubby. Laying on the bed while lip syncing "Groove is in the heart" I realize how silly I feel laying down in my "sleep position" in public. Its almost an invasive feeling. Fifth stop is Macy's where the clothes catch our eye more than their wide selection of over priced mattresses.

Decision time! We decide to go back to Mike and use a little of his ~~used car salesman~~ mattress salesman techniques on him. We play off each other in front of him and tell him the awesome deal that we could get with his 30/30 junior. He offers to double the discount and we walk out with a few hundred more in our pocket than his manager originally approved. Lucky for us Mike is such a great guy! Maybe he gets his mattress bargaining powers from his lengthy ear hair! I'm sure the next person who walks in there will get the same mattress for a few hundred less than we paid, but hey, tomorrow night we will be sleeping and having sex on a REAL mattres!

Perfect B&W

2006-01-11T22:56:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with this photo when I first saw it. Its perfect! The lighting is perfect! The look is perfect! I can't stop myself from wondering how much of it is the photographers talent and how much of it was Photoshop.

Ughhh...Why does my mind automatically go there? Pessimist? A NEED to know? Suspicious? Paranoid? YES...That's it - Paranoid!

Post Crank

2006-01-10T22:56:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have finally started descending down from my cranky pedestal. Michael being home is the only thing that has kept me from completely erupting into a poo flinging, neighbor cussing, child slapping monster. Come to think of it, Michael is the only thing that hasn't annoyed me all week.

I know my irritability factor reached its apex yesterday when I made the following statements at home and at work (in no particular order).

- I Hate our neighbors upstairs
- I hate that damn bitch of dog that keeps barking
- Geez I hate kids
- Our neighbor next door is annoying, I don't trust her...And I hate her

Michael mowed the yard the other day during a break in the rain. The neighbors who always have a knack of saying the most annoying thing at just the right time actually said "Oh Good, someone is doing the yard!" Last time I mowed the yard they said "Thanks for helping out". What the fuck??? "Someone" is mowing the yard? Uh yeah, the ones who always do the yard! "Thanks for helping out" - That statement would imply that they actually did something. The only thing I have seen them do is open the back door to let out that damn barking bitch and knock the wireless modem out repeatedly. Thanks for helping out! And that dog has seen me every day for the past 8 months - WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL BARKING?

The hating kids thing...ehh...I'm just not a kid person. I don't have the patience. I have a hard time with ignorance and immaturity no matter what age you are. The parents that can't control them or don't control them are the annoying ones I guess, but I find equal pleasure in hating the kids too.

The neighbor next door...Something fishy about her. She's that fake nice type. She looks at you all suspicious and bitter and then when she thinks your attention is on her, she turns to smiles and hellos.

But...I'm feeling much better now.